Nov 27, 2011

Kashmir.



I miss the place, and the feeling.

When a day like this arrives.

Tired. I'm tired of people.

I'm tired of listening. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of giving excuses. I'm tired of feeling annoyed. I'm tired of keeping the anger inside. I'm tired of putting a nice face. I'm tired of people expecting something. I'm tired of lying.

I need a rest. Away. Please.

Nov 26, 2011

Precious.

Today is a sad day.

I questioned myself enough of how did this thing happen despite my carefulness. For once I let myself loose, and now it's gone.

But I am blessed with great friends. Nothing more I need now.

Awkward.

Sometimes I pity her. But what to do? She hurts too many people.

The lesson here is, the more you know the humbler you should be.

Note to self,
Don't take off your common sense. Wear it as your skin.

Nov 21, 2011

New leaf.

Kebelakangan ini hidup sangat sibuk, macam dah jadi HO.
Ke sana ke mari dari pagi sampai petang tanpa henti, terkadang malam baru jejak rumah.
Tapi, hati sudah kurang sesak.
Sebab ia dah jadi sesejuk bongkah ais yang dilanggar Titanic.
Puas, aku puas dengan hidup.


Today I went to Prithvi to buy a stack of hard-covered books, after posting.
God knows how tired I was.
And then, on our way back home it's really hard to get an auto from there.
Then there was him.
An old man wearing khaki-coloured uniform, an auto driver I supposed.
He asked where we're going, and then helped us out by asking every auto that passed by.
See? Not all Indians are bad, same as not all Malaysians are kind.
Somehow I feel like 'tempe' is not an appropriate nickname.
How would you react if people call Malaysians as 'budu', or 'belacan'?

Double-faced.

Sometimes, I care too much about what people would think

Too much hypocrisy would kill ya, ain't it?

Kill you deep down inside

Makes you feel you're not worth anything, or anyone.

Dark.

Is it called depression when your mood suddenly turns upside down?

Like one second you're smiling, and the next you hate the whole world.

Yeah, sometimes I hate the whole world for so many reasons.

Or no reason at all.

Nov 20, 2011

Pintu suka hati.

When I see you, I can see my whole life ahead of me with you in it.

Nah, it happens even when I don't see you.

Weird, isn't it?

Nov 19, 2011

Lucky.



Note to self,

Listen to this. And it makes you feel the problems you have in life is nothing to compare to what he's been through. Yet, he's not giving up.

Nov 13, 2011


Them.

It feels like time has stopped for a while. Away from all the nonsense craps thrown into my life recently. It feels great to be in a good distance from reality and pretend nothing matters. It feels great, to be home.

We (me and my sisters) played Uno and Bingo, and also that game in which one of us chose a letter and everybody had to think of a country, fruit, thing and so on that started with it. It's been a long time since we last played these games. I remembered they used to be small little kids for me to bully around. They grow up. Everybody grows up. I feel like a parent watching her children turning into adolescents. It's kind of sad, actually.

My family is pretty weird. We don't talk much on the phone, but when we meet the presence of every single one of us is totally a blessing. I feel safe. Secured. Happy. I smile and laugh all the time. No room for a little piece of sorrow and depression to creep and crawl beneath my skin. I feel alive.


Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time

So Simple
Stacie Orrico

Nov 4, 2011

Unreachable.

When moments like these arrive, I feel like talking to you

Moments of sorrow

Moments of disappointments

Moments of frustrations

I never wanted to open up to someone

Even when the darkest night comes

But at this moment, I really want to pour everything onto you

Like the moments before, and before, and before

But I never did.

Nov 3, 2011

Confession.

Saya punya banyak kenangan. Ada yang saya dah buang. Ada yang saya dah padam. Tapi tak pernah ada satu pun yang hilang. Kadang-kadang bila teringat saya akan senyum sendirian, kadang-kadang menangis seorangan. Semuanya saya sayang.





I've said enough. Only time will prove what is meant to be and what isn't.