Aug 28, 2012

The reason I hold on, even my will is falling apart.

I can't remember the last time Abah gave me pocket money. Maybe some time during my foundation days or the last day of high school. Duit raya is excluded.

I always feel a sense of pride and relief to spend using my own money, instead of my parents'. But technically, it's not actually my own money. It's government's, or to be precise, Malaysian's. Sorry for spending your money relentlessly, tax-payers. I'll pay back in due time.

So, yesterday when Abah drove us to the airport to send me off to KL he offered me a note. Because when he asked did I have any money to buy food, I told him I only have about RM10. I spent too much on books and things to bring back to Bangalore. I told him I would withdraw  some once I got to LCCT. He insisted that I took that green note.

I don't know how to describe it, but deep down I felt ashamed. I have five sisters still studying with one to be registered as a degree student without a scholarship next week. His money should go to them, not me who has a monthly allowance equals to the salary of a government's worker. My pride hurts a little, but that's Abah.

I always pray for them to have the chance to see me as a doctor, not a student anymore. Someone who can provide instead of just being on the receiving end. Just one more year, Abah. And then you'll see the fruit of your faith in me.

Aug 15, 2012

Everybody needs a break. I need lots of them.

Esok balik kampung.
Tiada perasaan mahu beraya, cuma mahu jumpa keluarga.

Tahun 2009 balik Malaysia.
Tahun 2010 beraya di basement bersama 200 manusia perantau dengan juadah penuh meja sepanjang 3 meter.
Tahun 2011 beraya di atas kapal terbang menuju ke Ladakh dengan pinggang yang sakit.

Tiga tahun tak jumpa Along.
Apa agaknya rasa merdeka daripada jajahan assignments dan exams dalam kepala otak?

Encik Pilot, tolong jangan hempaskan kapal terbang.

Aug 4, 2012

Letters.

Writing is something precious for me. A way to immortalize moments and feelings, so that I can keep them as my most valuable possessions. If I have the chance to have my own family, I will very much love to give them notes from time to time. Love notes. Simple, yet priceless. Keep them in lunch boxes, school bags or even their favourite bedtime storybooks. 

Because when I'm gone, they will have the notes to remember how much I love them. Even if I just show a little.

And yeah, I'm old-fashioned like that.