Apr 30, 2013

I have a thing for men who can write and have lovely warm smiles.

Apr 25, 2013

Midnight agony.

I have this curse in which when I'm trying to forget about someone who hurts me, I will never do. Because I always get to hear their names and stories from the people around me. It's like this constant reminder straight on my face that I should never ever think that the wound would heal.

Like a punch to the chest, left me breathless in my own pain.

It's not their fault to be mentioning her name in front of me continuously cause they don't know about this deep-seated unspoken estrangedness between us. I didn't tell a soul. Don't even know how to begin.

When I think about all the things that happened to me these past few years I couldn't help but to ask myself, how did I get myself into these messes? Why is my life so complicated that I can't even explain the things that keep me awake at night to anyone else?

How do you stitch the wound that keeps on breaking?

Apr 17, 2013

Too little too early.

"Tak ambik one step ahead ke cuti hari tu?"

A friend asked today.

Smiling, I showed her my ten fingers. Ring-less.

I whispered silently,
'No. As much as I want to start planning my life with someone who will spend the rest of his life with me, I don't think so. Not at this moment. I already have more than enough on my plate. I'm not gonna screw up somebody's life so that mine would be complete. Besides, belum puas hidup dengan keluarga sendiri.'

So, this is what it's like to be in the middle of friends' engagement and wedding spree.

Apr 16, 2013


I couldn't sleep. So I decided to browse through my old emails and found this.

Little did I know that was the last birthday wish from her. What happened to us? I asked myself this question hundreds of times but still couldn't figure out what's the answer.

Predominantly, I think it was my fault. I was and will never be good enough at keeping people close. I didn't realize until it was too late that people that once were very dear to me slipped away from my life, just like that.

I miss her, terribly tonight.

Apr 15, 2013

I love distinctive voices. The one that the moment you hear it, you know who it belongs to.
I've been posting a lot of videos recently.
No reason.

Apr 14, 2013