May 27, 2013

Cleansing.

Nota-nota putih di sini kebanyakannya adalah surat-surat yang ditulis untuk penerima-penerima yang spesifik, tetapi tidak pernah sampai ke hati yang sepatutnya. Nota-nota yang terbuang dari jiwa kusut di tengah malam waktu mata pecah berair. Momen-momen rabak dan hancur, ketika hati memberontak mahu dilihat dunia. Di bilik gelap tingkat lima, di medan selera lapangan terbang, di kaki lima hospital atau di mana-mana sahaja.

Melalui komputer riba atau telefon bimbit. Aku tidak pernah gemar menulis dengan kertas dan pen. Satu, tulisan hodoh. Dua, penulisan maya tidak kekal, boleh dihapus dengan satu klik.

Sampah, buat apa mahu disimpankan?

Rehabilitation.

I should stop searching for your name, both in the outside world and inside my brain. But didn't I say this already? You're my addiction. No, that is not an exaggeration. Not the slightest.

Dreams, what are they? A glance into the future, fragments of the past that insist to exist in your brain, or a mere hope of a helpless soul to live the life he'd always wanted?

I hereby am trying to stop searching for your name. Then maybe these deluded dreams would begin to disappear.

May 14, 2013




Times changes life
it changes everything.

May 13, 2013

Fallen leaves.

I'm surprised you didn't know how I feel all this time. I think I've shown it in all possible ways. You thought I forgot, didn't you? You thought I moved on and left all these unspoken unsettled issues between us and be happy, didn't you? Well, guess what? I suffered as much as you did.

I'm such a good actor, that's why. I don't blame you for not knowing.

My dear F,
now that you know this hidden truth, what are you gonna do about it?

I doubt you're gonna read this anyway. You're not a good stalker, not as good as I am.

May 12, 2013

"Love is a dog from hell."

I don't think I will ever get married. Or maybe, just maybe, at least for the next 5 years. I don't have the confidence to share all of my scars with another human being. The thought of having someone else to see the hidden side of me seems somewhat wonderful and poetic, but does it really? Have you ever found something that you regret later on? Living alone somehow suits me. I can't imagine waking up every morning to impress someone else even when I'm a mess tangled up with my own emotions and self-hatred. Because that's who I am. I live to impress people, because I know I'm actually just a big gaping hole with unseen bottom. Will anyone dare to dive through me? The darkest black with untouchable end.

But I still like Doraemon the best. Very much so.