Jul 19, 2015

It's a hard day at work. I came home feeling disappointed and lethargic. Scrolling down the facebook and instagram, and then makan hati sorang-sorang. No one invited me to their open house. Not that i wanted to go, but still. Kawan satu universiti yang bekerja satu hospital pun, they never ask me. No one bother to ask where the hell i am.

That made me realize, wow, what a small circle of friends i have. Very small indeed.

Aza, Azzah and Joyce. I miss you guys. Seriously. The people who came knocking on my doors during my moody days and gave me a smile. The ones who never stop and go away even when i push too hard. They never give me up, even when i'm all awkward and stiff and indifferent.

Friends, i lose them so easily but very difficult to gain. You three are enough. Just enough.

Jul 3, 2015

I was too immature and inexperienced back then, to handle such a huge and extravagant feeling i had for you. It was too enormous i could feel myself burnt out. It was childish to think that everything was okay when it's obviously not.

And consequently, i broke your heart. Twice. That deserves me your resentment.

I still get angry sometimes. It haunts me everyday that if only i choose differently, would we have been happier now? I have decided to be a stone. To feel less about everything. That's all i can resolute for now.

If i am doing okay, then why do i still have dreams about you? Dreams that i don't want to wake up from. Dreams that are so beautiful and comforting i could feel myself floating around in happiness somewhere not real.

I'm sorry i couldn't give more than a scar that will last a lifetime.